Tinki Talks

Artist: Rachael Lampa
Song Title: Always Be My Home

Your heart will always be my home
No matter where I go
No matter what may come
You’ll be my shelter in the storm
A harbor safe and sound
Where only true forgiveness can be found

But still, I wanna run away 

And go it all alone
Will I ever learn from my mistakes?

[CHORUS]
And I can’t live without your love
Cause your eyes have seen beyond the things I’m guilty of
I won’t be afraid to turn back down the road
Cause your heart will always be my home

And when, I’ve cried a thousand tears
You’ve always wiped them dry
And watched me as I spread my wings and fly 

To a place, where holiness begins
And mercy never ends
And I will find my freedom once again

But still, I wanna run away 

And go it all alone
Will I ever learn from my mistakes?

[CHORUS]
And I can’t live without your love
Cause your eyes have seen beyond the things I’m guilty of
I won’t be afraid to turn back down the road
Cause your heart will always be my home

[BRIDGE]
Your hands are always open
To catch me when I fall
I feel a million miles away
But that’s no distance at all

(Instrumental Break)

But still, I wanna run away 

And go it all alone
Will I ever learn from my mistakes?

[CHORUS]
And I can’t live without your love
Cause your eyes have seen beyond the things I’m guilty of
I won’t be afraid to turn back down the road
Cause your heart will always be my home
Cause your heart will always be my home

You know, life always has a way of deceiving us… It’s like it’s found a loophole where no matter how good things are, there’s a way of making it suck real quick… A simple turn of events and everything comes crashing down… It’s almost like when things sometimes seem all nice and dandy just before the sh*t comes caving in… Yeah… “The calm before the storm” they call it… *snort* That is if you want it in slightly more literature-ish-ly acceptable terms… *snore*

Well, the past week has been my “down” period and I was up to my nose in lousy moments… Plenty of sucky times with heaps of stress, both physically and emotionally… The emotional kind is the worst though… Sigh… It kills from the inside out like a virus or, worst yet, a worm… Most of what I was stressed about has passed… Those times have blown over… The others, well… I’ll have to kill time in the meantime and see how things turn out… They’re not in my control so I’ll just have to wait and let them unfold in their own time… So, for now, I’ll go on with what I have to do and try my best not to worry about things that will take care of themselves in due time… Sigh… I’m not liking this… =(

But, I have to admit… Some good did come of this past week… Above all, through these times, I’ve come to realise and be really thankful for the fact that my worth doesn’t come from the approval of men and it definitely does it come from their acceptance of me… No… My worth is in my God…

“Your heart will always be my home
No matter where I go
No matter what may come
You’ll be my shelter in the storm
A harbor safe and sound”

I’m glad that no matter what may come my way, no matter how unexpected the results may be, no matter how bad the after-effects of the storm may appear to be to me, I’ll always have Him to go home to… He’s my shelter, my refuge, and my safe haven in times of trouble… He’s my lifeline, my torch, and my sustenance in times of need… I hope for the best, but am prepared for the worst…

I think…

*blink*

No, I’d better be…

*blink blink*

No no, I have to be…

*firm nod*

Sigh… I know that I frequently put myself through tiresome thoughts that I can do nothing about… Silly silly things I do… One of the few… One of the many…

”And when, I’ve cried a thousand tears
You’ve always wiped them dry
And watched me as I spread my wings and fly”

I’m prepared for the tears that may come, though I doubt I’ll allow them to… I’m prepared for the thoughts and memories that may haunt me, though I know I’ll occupy my time till they’re but a blur that zooms by during the last few seconds of my consciousness each night… I’m prepared for the questions that may hound me relentlessly, though I’m prepared to push them aside and drive them right to the back of my mind…

But, through it all, I know He is there… I know He knows my struggles… I know He’ll help me guard my thoughts… And I know He’ll wipe away the tears my heart cries… And one day, I’ll fly again… I know it… I feel it… I believe it…

That “One Day” will come for me… Perhaps not today; perhaps not tomorrow… But till that day comes, I’m not afraid to try… And I’ll keep on trying as I’ve tried many times before… I dont’ care if I fall… For I know that…

”Your hands are always open
To catch me when I fall
I feel a million miles away
But that’s no distance at all”

Lord, I can’t live without Your love… For Your love takes me places I’ve only dreamt of going to… Your love lets me see beyond the parameters of my physical limitations and even beyond the very laws that govern nature…

Lord, Your love helps me fly once again…

“but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”

~ Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)

I’ve been meaning to post this for ages but things kept creeping up on me and stealing my time-out hours… Sigh… Have been on the go for a while now and yesterday was the last straw before my body went on strike… I slept for 17 hours… SEVENTEEN! Haha… Madness! Total madness – the kind of madness that I like, of course… Haha… In fact, I’d still be in bed if not for the incessant phone calls… Hmmph! Should have left an “On Leave” sign plastered on my forehead… Hmmm… But then again, it’s not like callers would be able to see it and not call… Ish… Looks like my brain’s still halfway in DreamLand…

Anyways… Haha… Yes, yes, I’m in love… Jeng jeng jeng! I had the Bouncy-Bunny-est talk with my housemates a couple of nights ago, which left me walking on air with my head way in the clouds… Plus I was grinning like an idiot till the sides of my lips touched my ears in both directions… Haha…

Wondering what our conversation was about? Well, friends, wonder no more… Today, I give you a small glimpse into the world of Female Pillow Talk… Haha… The topic for the night was…

*drumroll*

Love and Relationship!

*hits cymbals – Ka-Ching!*

As such, our conversation centred on L&R – all aspects of it… The past, present and future of L&R for us… Haha… Yeah, now you know what some girls talk about when they get together in the middle of the night when most of the world is sound asleep and tucked under covers…

Well, after the many hours of ping-pong talk (yeah, back and forth on the same things with no apparent conclusion to be made), I came to one simple conclusion based on my reaction to the discussion… I’ve concluded within myself that I’m in love… Haha… Really…

With whom?

Nah… Who says it’s a person? Love with another will have to wait… Haha…

So, with what?

Simple… With love… Not many things get me on such a champagne high as Love does… Haha… I’m in love with Love… The best part about it is that since Love is that much less human as guys are, I know I’m guaranteed a No-Hurts ticket… Love isn’t capable of hurting me, it isn’t capable of lying to me, it isn’t capable of cheating on me and it isn’t capable of leaving me…

Love isn’t capable of breaking my heart.

Period.

How rockin’ is that?

A hundred load of worry will not pay an ounce of debt.

~ George Herbert

Hah… How true… If you think smoking kills, it’s time to realise that Worry does the same – just in a different way… It’s not the body that dies… No, no… Worry is a much “better” killer – one that’s way smarter… It targets the parts of us that are a lot less tangible and brings with it suffering and anguish the naked eye does not see… Our bodies simply bear the scars the damage worry brings to the heart, the mind, the spirit, and the soul… Worry is like fire – bringing scorching heat, fiercely raging, highly intense and almost impossible to stop…

Almost…

But not quite…

Ah, a twist! Jeng jeng!

You see, dear friends, there are many ways
to douse a fire… Many contestants in line…
Shall we take a look at them one by one? So,
firstly, it’s my pleasure to introduce to you…

The Grand Prize Winner of the People’s Choice Award: WATER!

…Simply meaning: “Let those salty tears take all worry and care away”… Works most of the time but the fire sometimes come back a-raging all the more… Doesn’t really kill the fire but makes one feel better for the moment… Works well with women… Hmmm… Very passive form of action to take in the face of Worry… I wouldn’t call this a very wise choice but it sure as hell is the easiest to take… Hah…

And our First Runner-Up is the FIRE EXTINGUISHER!

…Hah! There also many who also enjoy those feelings of ease that come with having a fire extinguisher just within reach (best if within grasp) at all times… A more active form of Worry-busting if you ask me… Haha… Just aim and fire! Shoot those Worry bouts and Worry-bringers with a round of bitter revenge that oddly just tastes oh-so-sweet… Also a very strong women trait… Sometimes comes after Water when they come to realise Water did them no good… =p

Oh-oh! How could I forget… Our Second Runner-Up: SAND!

…And we’re back to the passive form of beating Worry – Sand… Loose, pale brown and almost white expanse of sand that’s warm and soft to the touch… Ah, the perfect place for Worry to hide and snuggle in… Some just love covering worry up with sand… Some call this “sweeping things under the carpet”… Yeah… A carpet of sand in this case… Haha… They take the Silly Ostrich Approach to hiding their worries – “As long as I don’t see Worry, Worry isn’t there to catch up with me”… Self-deception – a much liked form of escapism… The human mind is an amazing thing, ain’t it?

And finally, we’ve come to the last of our contestants: WIND!

…Some others sit down, do nothing and simply wait for good ol’ Wind to take the fire someplace else… Haha… Now, people who do this really rock… Haha… I’d die worrying about not worrying while there’s something to worry about if I practiced this form of Worry Management… So doesn’t work for me… But… I’ve come to realise that men take this approach a lot when dealing with women… Haha… Why? Cause women bite back! Haha… Eh, guys! Pretending you didn’t know and hoping the fire eventually blows away doesn’t work okay… It always comes back to haunt if you don’t get up and close the door…

Whatever it is, people just have to find the right extinguisher for the fire at hand…

Sigh… I’d like to use Water, but it’s not gonna get me anywhere… I’d love to bring out the extinguishers but I know I’m gonna have trouble shutting them off once I start… Sand doesn’t work in my case at the moment… No such luxury at this point in time… As for Wind… Hah… Already said… Not my type… =p

So now, I bring you my solution this time round… I’m hoping that saying it to myself will help me absorb it in my brain’s subconsious… Haha… Believe me, self-psychosis rocks… Well, this is what works for me this time:

Forgiveness…

Ah…

Almost…

————————-
Quotes of the day:
————————-

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

~ Mahatma Gandhi

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

~ Lewis B. Smedes, “Forgiveness - The Power to Change the Past,” Christianity Today, 7 January 1983 (Thank you, Donna.)

Okay okay… I know I have this thing about posting about my private life but the thing was, while I decided to pop by some friends blogs, a comment in one REALLY caught my eye – in a good way or bad, I haven’t yet decided… Hmmm…

———————————–
Dated: August 11th, 2006
———————————–

“Pamsidoodles Pammerummles just sent over some self-absorbed pictures of ourselves doing what we do in the Forever21 fitting rooms :)”

…Pam Song’s Reply To Friend (Part I)…

Say what?!? Aww, come on! As if Pamsidoodles isn’t bad enough,
why “Pamsidoodles Pammerummles” this time? What in the world
is THAT supposed to be?!? Babe, you made me sound like some
kind of rum cookie or sponge cake with raisins! Dang…

But… This I DID like (you just saved your butt): –

“Nothing beats Pam’s company combined with sisters. Sleepovers, lighting up the park with candles, baking cookies at 2am, camwhoring (the best thing is, she initiates it most of the time. teehee), and most of all, shopping.”

…Pam Song’s Reply To Friend (Part II)…

Smiles first; frowns next… Wei wei wei… I beg to differ… That cam-whoring
statement was so NOT true! Too much… Woman! Please speaketh the truth!
My only fault was in having a camera… The suggestion to use it came from
the Queen Camwhore herself, the one and only – YOU! Haha!

*clap clap*

Bring out the trumpets, sound the drums and let the whole world know!!!

*snicker*

p/s: And come on, can we use
another word? I really hate
the term… Change! Change!

And with this ends my bout of way-too-personal posts… I already feel like this is an over share to the greatest extent… I may remove this post in time to come… I really haven’t decided… It depends on how uncomfortable it makes me feel in the long run… I’m a pretty private person and I don’t appreciate the thought of the world knowing too much… Haha… Secrets are good… To a certain extent… Hmmm… If you guys catch this, consider yourselves fortunate… Chances like these don’t come by too often when it comes to Pam Song…

*snort*

Look at what I just read from a friend’s blog! So sweet!

——————————-
Dated: July 31st, 2006
——————————-

Post Title: Happy Valentine’s day!

This is a special shout-out to some of my friends:

Pammy my sunshine: Love u! *insert deleted* =p

*other inserts deleted for privacy purposes*

…Pam Song’s Reply To Friend…

I love being called “Sunshine”… Babe, you know just what makes me melt… =)

———————————
Dated: August 7th, 2006
———————————

Post Title: “man-hunt”

Dear sunshine (u know who u r..=p),

*insert deleted*

No boy, no guyz, no man, well, it’s ok.. becos i’ve got you! =)

Love,
(Friend’s name)…

…Pam Song’s Reply To Friend…

And I’ve got YOU! Mwah!

*smiles*

—————-
Fun Fact #4
—————-

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death…

*blinks*

HUH?!? Say what?!?

Spiders worrr… Those insignificant creatures? So small, so minute and so diminutive in nature… Pijak sekali mati kang-koi already lar!

*scratches head*

Scared ah? Sure bo? Hmmm…

So, the question of the day is this: -

If on an average, people fear spiders THAT much, how many are left to fear birds?

Answer: Not enough…

*sigh*

Artist: Avalon
Song Title: Adonai

One single drop of rain
Your salty tear became blue ocean
One tiny grain of sand
Turning in your hand, a world in motion

You’re out beyond the furthest Morning Star
Close enough to hold me in Your arms

[CHORUS]
Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai, You are the Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai

One timid faithful knock
Resounds up the Rock of Ages
One trembling heart and soul
Becomes a servant bold and courageous

You call across the mountains and the seas
I answer from the deepest part of me

[CHORUS]
Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai, You are the Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai

From age to age You reign in Majesty
And today You’re making miracles in me

[CHORUS]
Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai, You are the Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai

Was reading something really disturbing, which got me thinking about my faith… About what made my faith any different than any other faith the world offers…

It’s interesting how so many religions teach of god as a supernatural being to be worshiped, revered and feared… To look towards a god who is untouchable… A god who’s always that much out of reach because of the extent of his (so-called) holiness… Many religions preach of their god’s sovereignty… One where his worshippers disintegrate at the mere brush of his hand or fry at a single sweep of his gaze… Bzzzt!

Scary gods they are, don’t you think?

But my point is… How many of these gods can we so intimately call “Father”?

None…

For there is none… But One…

“You’re out beyond the furthest Morning Star
Close enough to hold me in Your arms”

Yes, my God is sovereign… He is holy… He is supernatural…

But…

I don’t just look at Him from afar, nor do I bow for fear of offending the King of Kings if I don’t… No… I talk to Him – like a daughter talks to her father… I tell Him about my day… About what I’ve been through… About my fears… About my joys… I share my thoughts with Him… We share a relationship that goes beyond me being just a worshipper… I am more than that… I am His child…

The scriptures clearly tell me this…

• 1 John 3:1

• John 1:12 - 13

• Romans 8:16 - 17

You see, my God is different… He is special… This is what sets my God apart from all other gods… He is close enough to hold me in His arms when I need Him, and near enough to hear the soft whispers of my heart when I call out to Him… He looks after me; He takes care of me; His eyes watch over me… He is a God who is closer to me than my very breath… He may be the Almighty; the Rock of All Ages; the Holy One; the Most High… But at the same time, He’s my heavenly Father; He’s my Daddy…

That, my friends, is the difference… This is the wonder of my God – my Adonai…

This was the inside of my fridge before…

This is the inside of my fridge NOW…

So?

So… I finished my very FIRST box of milk ALL BY MYSELF! I’m so proud of myself…

*claps*

One round of applause ain’t enough, man…

*claps again*

That’s more like it…

So, why’s this a big deal?
Well, it’s a big deal because Pam HATES milk…
The milk box is now finally where it SHOULD have been all along…

Heh heh…

So how’d I do it?
I had a buddy who helped…
Who? Haha…

It was CAPTAIN STAR to the rescue!!!

The end result? Breakfast…

Yes yes… I have friends in high places… I do, I do…

This is really, really cool stuff man… Found these ads online and just HAD to blog about them… You’ll see why in time… Looks like BMW, Audi and Subaru have gotten themselves lodged in an intense (but, for me, very thrilling) advertising spat overseas… It’s so cool that there, they’re given room to give very personal shout outs to the competition in their ads… I wish we could do this here and let the claws come out… Meow! Competition would be a whole lot more exciting and would have taken on a new dimension… It’s boring here… Anyways… I shall stall no more…

Check out what BMW so boldly published!

Whoa… Don’t play play man… But yeah, I’m a pro BMW kinda person so I don’t really give two hoots when they lash out at the competition… Haha… Go ahead and add other ads to the list for all I care… If you’re good, why not shout it from the rooftops for all to hear? Step back South African Car of the Year 2006, BMW’s WORLD Car of the Year 2006, okay! =p

*jumps and punches fist in air*

But… Too much for Audi to take? Well, Audi bites back!

Haha… Getting interesting leh… Audi’s got guts… But come on… It’s not like WE consumers get to drive those Le Mans cars or that we’re on the road 24 hours at a time… Sheesh… So unpractical… The last time BMW won was in 1999… Why? Perhaps cos they moved away from such kiddie racing and started putting their efforts into making better, WORLD-class cars for US! Hah! Take that, Audi! Sore losers…

*sticks tongue out*

And look at this lar… Dengan bodoh, Subaru pun menyertai the b*tching game and “sapu-ed” BMW and Audi… This wan definitely too much…

*shakes head*

Eh, hello! So proud that you don’t LOOK hot ah?

*blinks*

Dang… What kind of industry am I getting myself into?

*gulp*

You know, not every day’s a lets-hang-out-and-have-fun kinda day… We’re not relational creatures ALL the time… There are days when I just want to relax and spend time with myself… Yeah… Just me and me hanging out… Okay, fine… I guess I’ll call that being “relational”… Just not in the conventional way… Hah…

I find that in today’s world, people hardly have time for time outs… People don’t MAKE time for time outs anymore…

*eyes wide open*

But whyyy?!?

I don’t get it… I LOVE time outs! I crave for them when supply is short… I pine, yearn, desire, covet, ache and long for time to allow myself to recharge and unwind in my own space… I really miss the days when I used to take hour-long baths (I kid you not) once a week just to show me that I love myself… Sigh… Well, such days are hard to come by nowadays – days when I do nothing but laze and pamper myself in all ways possible… They don’t come by unless I choose to make time for them…

Proudly, I say that I’m getting the hang of it once again… Progress has been slow but, nevertheless, I’m making time for it… Even if I’m dead tired… I’ve recently allowed myself time to read and let myself be absorbed into the world far beyond reality of which my books offer…

I love books…

…but they’re so freaking expensive nowadays! Sigh… I wish I could immerse myself in them… Haha… They really have to invent those… Liquid books, here I come! =p

But I don’t just stick to books… With the advent of Internet technology and the vast expanse of knowledge and reading material it provides its users (this feels like a Mass Comm assignment already), I’ve gotten pretty much addicted to blog-reading as well… There are a handful of pretty good writers out there with heaps of hilarious stuff to share… Some really crack me up – they crack me up no end… =p

But you see, this isn’t the only thing I like – to ingest and digest words from others, be they world acclaimed writers or home-style bloggers… I also like to vomit words for others ingest and digest – others like YOU… Muahahaha… Like mothers vomit their meals for their young, likewise, I so very sacrificially vomit for you guys… Sigh… Doesn’t that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, children?

*grin*

And how do I do that?

*blinks*

Well, I blog…

Haha… A lot… A lot, a lot, a lot… “Too much,” some may say… But I don’t care… Haha… I like it, so there… It’s my time to let my thoughts spill across the screen… It’s relaxing… Therapeutic… Just like doing laundry!

Yes yes… I have this thing for doing laundry – MY laundry (just had to add that clause in case anybody uses that against me to take advantage)… =p The thing is, I just love the smell of softener and laundry detergent… Mmmm… Heaven… They make me feel like I’m in a land of fluffy clouds and pretty rainbows… Sigh… Haha… Okay okay… I’m getting carried away… Anyways, I love it… But only if it’s with the help of a washing machine la… Haha… I’m a lazy, lazy person who just loves the ease that comes with embracing technology…

*grin*

Anyways, other than that, I love listening to music so I do this when I do all the other stuff I mentioned above… My Creative speakers have served me well thus far but a pic of the iPod is much easier to find…

Haha… Didn’t I just mention that I’m lazy?

*sticks out tongue*

I listen to jazz, lovey-dovey-mushy-maro-sappy love songs and Christmas tunes all through the year… They help me relax… I also listen to lots of contemporary gospel music and alternative with a dash of rock… Pop’s pretty okay unless it gets too bubblegum… When it does, I run… =)

*stops for commercial break*

“Guys, do listen to Light & Easy
every Friday and Saturday night
when Moonlight Mood is on…
It’s heavenly!”

*post resumes*

Other than that, I watch sitcoms… Those that really make me rollover and laugh my head off like…

That 70s Show…

…and FRIENDS…

Or those drama-styled series’ like…

Smallville…

…and Desperate Housewives…

As well as those that (try to) “educate” through situational dramas like…

CSI…

…and Grey’s Anatomy…

Or, alternatively, I watch reality TV like…

Fear Factor…

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…and The Apprentice…

…and Outback Jack… Hmmm… I can’t seem find a good pic of this reality show… I wonder why… It was pretty good actually… A tad sick when it comes to the thought of dating someone who’s dating a dozen other girls at the same time but, nevertheless, pretty interesting and extremely engaging all the same… I miss it… It was one of the few find-yourself-a-mate-on-reality-tv-type-things that I followed through from beginning to end…

*sigh*

I’d give you more examples of what I watch during my time out sessions but looking for nice pics and editing them is starting to be a real pain… Blogging’s SUPPOSED to be my time out, you know! Sheesh!

*closes eyes and works on returning to Zen mode*

*fails*

Sigh… Blogging for time out is really starting to suck… Dang… This wasn’t supposed to happen…

*huffs and stomps away*